Andy: There's something wrong with her panties. Cal: Yeah. They're not in my mouth.

The "unrated" version of The 40-Year-Old Virgin was simply too fucking long. The movie was too long to begin with, and adding a few mildly amusing interchanges between secondary characters and one set of gigantic breasts simply wasn't worth the now longer waits between the hilarious gags. How many times can I write LONG(ER) in one paragraph? I dunno.

End rant.

Begin new rant:

Did anyone watch the Super Bowl? I've never seen officials blow so many calls in such a one-sided fashion for a team I wanted to lose. Of course, I'm a Buffalo fan, so I've seen my fair share of bad calls go against my teams. But by the end of the game I was actually rooting for Seattle because I felt so bad. I mean, their QUARTERBACK got called for an ILLEGAL BLOCK while TACKLING someone on Pittsburgh who had just intercepted the ball. Clotheslining, kicking and grabbing the facemask are illegal--but Hasselbeck just took out the guy's legs and got called for an illegal block. YOU CAN'T BLOCK SOMEONE YOU'RE TACKLING. It makes no sense. I can't even handle the stupity of the call because I've seen incorrect calls before, or even erroneous ones. But they were always at least semi-debatable. This one was not only flat out wrong, but also completely and utterly ridiculous.

And for the record: Roethlisberger was in, there was NO pass interference on what should have been Seattle's first touchdown, and Seattle should string up their place kicker.

In other news, I saw L.A.'s notorious Captain Ahab for the first time, and managed to get the glorious picture above. I have a couple great pictures of Jim in his speedo, but who hasn't seen that?

The Oscars got announced, and this is the first time in a while that I haven't really seen any of the contenders. Maybe that's not true. I dunno. Mainstream dramas just haven't appealed to me over the last few years, and that's all that ever really gets nominated anyway. The awards should really be redefined in some way to let everyone know that comedies, horrors and intelligent strange indie movies are out of the running.
That being said, seeing AMY motha fuckin ADAMS nominated made my life. I haven't even seen Junebug, but it's the goddamned cheerleader from Drop Dead Gorgeous. She also starred in Psycho Beach Party with the gorgeous Lauren Ambrose. That's enough to make me root for her.

The toughest decision for me will be whether to root for Joaquin Phoenix or Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I wish Maria Bello would have gotten nominated for A Brief History of Violence, but I'll settle for William Hurt.

Saw the Sabres win in overtime over at my buddy Chris's house. Thomas Vanek schooled Dominik Hasek in the shootout for the win. This was especially appetizing since Hasek was the Sabres goalie for nine years and left in a huff. Fuck you, buddy.

I apologize for the completely staccato writing style...Jen's dad and I started drinking Bloody Marys at about 10:30 a.m. and then had to sit through all kinds of exhausting family things for way too many hours. It's now after midnight--I'm surprised I can even think.


My second favorite 40-year-old Virgin quote:
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says "I love it when balls are in my face."